My first rental ad

[weenapratt]

Hello,

I would appreciate your expert advice and feedback on my first condo rental ad. I do not have photos to show today because the place is not quite ready yet. They will be included with my ad copy when I advertise.

Here it is:

Yes, you can call it home, and have it all.

$2,095 (water, heat and cable included) + hydro

Magnificent condo in a serene boutique building in the heart of leafy, vibrant the Annex
Easy walk to: subway, Yorkville, UofT, parks, Zipcar, library, health food stores, restaurants.
Enjoy living in this gorgeous and bright, fully renovated, spacious 2 BR with large balcony
Entertain in newly designed, open plan living/dining room with stylish brand new kitchen
granite countertop, high end fridge, dishwasher, smooth cooktop, oven and island hood
Brand new energy efficient AC, ceiling fans, large new windows give you comfort/savings
Relax under soothing rain shower in your modern brand new bathroom. You’ll love it!
Gleaming hardwood floor throughout, lots of closet space
Convenient en-suite laundry facility with brand new front load washer and dryer
Underground parking available at only $30.00 a month
Minimum 1 year lease, no pets, non-smoker, credit and reference checks
Satisfaction guaranteed, a pleasure to live in this very clean, fabulous home
Available immediately. Be the first to enjoy this extraordinary opportunity!
Don’t delay, contact Winnie at 647 293 3531 or email: [email protected] today.

My husband thought it`s too long. Which part do you think I could leave out?

I am hoping to get $1,950 rent. The going rates in the downtown area are $1,800 - $2,200 for a 2BR. My agent suggested me to list at $2,100 and see what happen. I would like to know what your thoughts are, based on your experience.

Thanks very much.

Weena Pratt

 

[DonCampbell]

Hi!

Great start to an ad! Perfect for on-line sources. Make sure you make it more readable by putting in paragraph breaks (lines between paragraphs). Pictures will be an absolute must to go with it.

Some other thoughts:

Move the price to near the end, by doing so you allow the sales copy to sell the value proposition. The price sentence should be something like: Yes, with this ease of access to transit, you`ll save a ton of money on gas (you may even be able to park or sell your car!) and you can live this lifestyle for only $2,095/month including water, heat and cable!

Headline is OK but doesn`t tell the accessibility and location story of the palace (that`s your true advantage with this property). Try something along those lines.

Ads need to be as long as it takes to tell the story, and that is why it is perfect length (especially when you add pictures).

You list the features (AC etc) without tying it directly to a benefit. "Sleep at night, no matter how warm and humid it gets when you relax in your new Air Conditioned comfort." Those types of stories work better as you transfer their future lifestyle into the readers heads.

Don`t leave anything out, in fact adding to it by using the above feature/benefit strategy will enhance the ad.

NEVER guarantee satisfaction in a rental - too open to interpretation. Find another way of saying it like "You may never want to move again once you live here... it`s just that perfect."

Trust those thought help!

P.S. Get on google, play the part of a prospective renter in your area, type in all of the different search criteria that a potential renter may type in and those would be the sites that you should be advertising on. On-line advertising is WAY cheaper and way more effective now than newspapers, so post on many sites. (WITH GOOD PICTURES that tie into your story/ad!)

 

[weenapratt]

Hi Don,

Thanks very much for your wonderful post. It is most helpful to me. You absolutely have a good point about leaving the satisfaction guaranteed part.

Regards,

Weena Pratt

 

[writeabooknow]

Okay, Don`s the master. But let me give it a whirl... this one assumes you have unlimited ad space...



A home your friends will envy, your family will adore, and your neighbours will wish they had…



Magnificent condo in a serene boutique building in the heart of the leafy, vibrant Annex
Stroll to subway, Yorkville, UofT, parks, Zipcar, library, health food stores, restaurants. The location is pure magic.
A gorgeous, bright, professionally renovated, spacious 2 BR with large balcony

You’ll be the master of entertaining in this newly designed, open plan living/dining room with brand new kitchen
complete with granite countertop, high end fridge, dishwasher, glass cooktop, oven and island hood. This is high-end living and lifestyle like you’ve never seen before.
Brand new energy efficient AC, accentuated with contemporary ceiling fans and large new windows will keep you cool, creative and comfortable while you enjoy the savings you’ve made with your new home advantages. But it gets even better… Relax under a soothing tropical rain shower in your modern brand new bathroom.

And still more… Brilliant, gleaming hardwood floor throughout, oodles of closet space for you and your family and even a convenient en-suite laundry facility with brand new front-load washer and dryer
Underground parking available at only $30.00 a month
Minimum 1 year lease, (although you may never want to leave),no pets, non-smoker, credit and reference checks
We’ll even include water, heat and cable. You’d expect this one to cost nearly $4,000 per month. A bargain would be $3,000/month. Now consider $2095/month and get to your telephone. Available immediately but there’s only one. It’s unique, it’s magic and it’s waiting for you. Be the first to enjoy this extraordinary opportunity!
Don’t delay, contact Winnie at 647 293 3531 or email: [email protected] today.



Cheers,
Steve

 

[terri]

QUOTE (weenapratt @ Jul 31 2008, 09:40 AM) Hello,
I would appreciate your expert advice and feedback on my first condo rental ad. I do not have photos to show today because the place is not quite ready yet. They will be included with my ad copy when I advertise.

Here it is:

Yes, you can call it home, and have it all.

$2,095 (water, heat and cable included) + hydro

Magnificent condo in a serene boutique building in the heart of leafy, vibrant the Annex
Easy walk to: subway, Yorkville, UofT, parks, Zipcar, library, health food stores, restaurants.
Enjoy living in this gorgeous and bright, fully renovated, spacious 2 BR with large balcony
Entertain in newly designed, open plan living/dining room with stylish brand new kitchen
granite countertop, high end fridge, dishwasher, smooth cooktop, oven and island hood
Brand new energy efficient AC, ceiling fans, large new windows give you comfort/savings
Relax under soothing rain shower in your modern brand new bathroom. You`ll love it!
Gleaming hardwood floor throughout, lots of closet space
Convenient en-suite laundry facility with brand new front load washer and dryer
Underground parking available at only $30.00 a month
Minimum 1 year lease, no pets, non-smoker, credit and reference checks
Satisfaction guaranteed, a pleasure to live in this very clean, fabulous home
Available immediately. Be the first to enjoy this extraordinary opportunity!
Don`t delay, contact Winnie at 647 293 3531 or email: [email protected] today.

My husband thought it`s too long. Which part do you think I could leave out?

I am hoping to get $1,950 rent. The going rates in the downtown area are $1,800 - $2,200 for a 2BR. My agent suggested me to list at $2,100 and see what happen. I would like to know what your thoughts are, based on your experience.

Thanks very much.

Weena Pratt

Hey Weena,

I just did up an add for a friend of mine in the annex, posted in on craiglist and they got 200 responses in the first day so I can try and help with yours too.

Where are you planning on posting? I find Craiglist is great in Toronto and for more expensive apts I also post on View it. I`ve tried many, many other rental websites, but really those 2 cover the bases for the area and demographic that you are trying to reach in the Toronto market.

I actually agree with your husband that it is a little wordy. Your target market is pretty savvy and will see through the hard sell.

I would be careful with the words that you select, keep them susinct but describe everything that is importants.

If you are posting on Craigslist the headline will read as follows:

$$$/# of bedrooms, HEADLINE--MOST IMPORTANT INFO, (location)

so in your case:

$2095/2 bedroom, NEWLY RENOVATED, LUXURY ANNEX CONDO AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY, (nearest intersection)

95% of the people responding to the ad will be familiar with the annex, and specifically looking to live in the annex so you can drop the leafy, vibrant descriptives, Annex says it all.

I also find that things are easier to read if there is space between the lines and sentences are shorter.

Imagine yourself living in this bright, beautiful, newly renovated 2 bedroom apt in the heart of the Annex.

Steps to the subway, shops and boutiques on Bloor, Yorkville, UofT, parks (which one?), library (which one?), health food stores, restaurants.

This neighbourhood has it all and can only be outdone by the apt itself. />The bright open-concept living/dining/kitchen with high end chef`s kitchen and granite countertops and large balcony are perfect for entertaining. (I don`t think it`s important to describe each and every appliance if you include a good picture of the kitchen showing them)
This place has it all: hardwood floors, lots of closets, air conditioning, new energy efficient windows, front loading ensuite washer/dryer, new spa like bathroom. (again, no need to describe the showerhead if you can provide a picture, pictures really say a lot)

The list goes on, too many fabulous features to mention them all. It really must be seen!!!!

Available immediately. Be the first to enjoy this extraordinary opportunity!

Rent is $2095/mo plus hydro. Minimum 1 year lease required, no pets or smokers please.

Underground parking is also avail for an extra $30/mo.

To set up an appoint to view this wonderful home please contact Winnie at 647 293 3531 or email: [email protected] today.

(PICTURES ARE A MUST!!!! and I would leave credit and reference checks etc out of the ad, you can bring that up later when they come to see it)

 

[Manjula]

Weena,

I love the two versions by Steve and Terri. I would not worry about length. From a bit of experimenting I did I noticed that the biggest drivers are:

1) Headline

2) Great photos (and I did try bad photos as well, and noticed a a doubling of replies on good photos). There was an amazing presentation at the Toronto REIN meeting by a photographer earlier this year, that you will find incredibly useful. You can try calling into the REIN office and asking for a copy of her presentation or notes).

3) A description that tells a story like the one Steve and Terri have put together. When I read their ads, I could see myself in that setting, living it up - and that is what sells the place. I would also recommend focusing on a themeand then echoing that through your description. The theme can fit the individuals you are most likely to get e.g.
young professionals - "ideal for your past paced exciting life", "entertain", close to bars and restaurants" etc
families - "safety", "family dinners in your spacious....","playgrounds", convienience of ensuite laundries" etc
retired couples - "serene", "fire up the bbq in your backyard" etc.

A note of caution on themes - if you think your language may exclude certain quality tenants that may be searching in the area (e.g. exec rentals, older busy professionalw etc), go broader in your language. Better not narrow your funnel when you start off.


Good luck!
Manj

 

[weenapratt]

Hi Steve, Terri and Manj,


I truly appreciate all of your input. Thank you so much for taking your time to help with my ad and for your great insights.

I really like your copies and suggestions, Steve and Terri. Also like about the themes that Manj suggested. Very good point indeed.

It`s so amazing, Terri, that your friend`s ad attracted 200 responses. Congratulations to you.

I feel so much more confident now that I got your help. My ad will be posted on Craig`s list, Kijiji and Viewit.ca. I`m pretty sure I will get a good number of responses. Thanks to you all.

Best wishes,

 

[harias]

QUOTE (weenapratt @ Aug 5 2008, 01:27 PM) Hi Steve, Terri and Manj,


I truly appreciate all of your input. Thank you so much for taking your time to help with my ad and for your great insights.

I really like your copies and suggestions, Steve and Terri. Also like about the themes that Manj suggested. Very good point indeed.

It`s so amazing, Terri, that your friend`s ad attracted 200 responses. Congratulations to you.

I feel so much more confident now that I got your help. My ad will be posted on Craig`s list, Kijiji and Viewit.ca. I`m pretty sure I will get a good number of responses. Thanks to you all.

Best wishes,

I think it`s too long and heavy to read. I would prefer something that goes to the point faster. Also using too many adjectives makes it sound somehow unreal. My criteria for adds is: what, where, how much and.. why you should rent mine , not the next door. If you don`t get people to read the whole add, chances are they won`t even call you for viewing.

Hugo Arias
Calgary REIN Member

 

[weenapratt]

QUOTE (harias @ Aug 6 2008, 10:54 PM) I think it`s too long and heavy to read. I would prefer something that goes to the point faster. Also using too many adjectives makes it sound somehow unreal. My criteria for adds is: what, where, how much and.. why you should rent mine , not the next door. If you don`t get people to read the whole add, chances are they won`t even call you for viewing.

Hugo Arias
Calgary REIN Member


Hi Hugo,

Thanks very much for your feedback. I agree with you that the copy should tell what, where, how much and why you should rent mine. I would be really interested to see one of your ads that attracted a good number of responses if you could to share with us.