Critique my classified advertisement

[housingrental]

Hi,I don`t think I`ve written other non-property specific advertisements, and most I do write have not been so limited in space. This was for Wilfrid Laurier University, and a variation of it for University of Waterloo, classified section of their student newspapers and I`ll be running this weekly for the near future.To explain why I`ve included what I have:
For one of the spaces I had a limit of 60 words (for the other there`s a fee for word). I wanted to target as many as possible so included references to group sizes / start dates / property types. Student renters are very location sensitive
so I list particular streets.

Please chew it up as best as possible. I think it`s written appropriately but wanted feedback. If anyone can put together something better than I have I`ll incorporate changes in the future.

Here it is (on one of the advertisements they`ll be a seperate bold heading that reads HOUSES FOR RENT)

Hoffaco Property Management presents a new release of student rental properties located close to WLU. CLEAN, new or upgraded DETACHED houses, townhouses, apartments and true loft spaces rentals available on many nearby streets including Ezra, Marshall, Hazel, and Lester. Rentals to suit all group size from 1 to 13. Many start dates available. Please email [email protected] (preferred) or phone 519-885-7910

 

[housingrental]

Any thoughts at all?

 

[magoomba]

QUOTE (housingrental @ Feb 17 2010, 10:19 AM) Any thoughts at all?

Rental ads are useless without prices.
Everything is online now. Today`s students are mobile and tech savvy.
Ditch the student newspaper and get online.

 

[magoomba]

QUOTE (housingrental @ Feb 17 2010, 10:19 AM) Any thoughts at all?

Rental ads are useless without prices.
Everything is online now. Today`s students are mobile and tech savvy.
Ditch the student newspaper and get online.

 

[housingrental]

Thank you Magoomba
I have at times close to one hundred different online advertisements with prices in them

I`ve had success with print media before so it is of use.


QUOTE (magoomba @ Feb 17 2010, 07:01 PM) Rental ads are useless without prices.
Everything is online now. Today`s students are mobile and tech savvy.
Ditch the student newspaper and get online.

 

[housingrental]

Anyone ?

 

[Lucas]

Hi Adam...Overall I think its good although I would definitely include a price and if utilities are included. Also, your wording -"CLEAN, new or upgraded..." is somewhat awkward. What message are you trying to convey to your target? Affordability? Location? When I was a student looking for places I was most concerned with price and location...

Do you think specific streets is wise? What if I was a student from abroad? I doubt that I would be familiar enough with the area to identify particular streets...I would do a more universal distance description (ie. within walking distance to...or within 200m of...you get the gist) to ensure you don`t marginalize anbody who may be interested.

Good Luck,

Lucas

QUOTE (housingrental @ Feb 16 2010, 07:03 PM) Hi,

I don`t think I`ve written other non-property specific advertisements, and most I do write have not been so limited in space. This was for Wilfrid Laurier University, and a variation of it for University of Waterloo, classified section of their student newspapers and I`ll be running this weekly for the near future.

To explain why I`ve included what I have:
For one of the spaces I had a limit of 60 words (for the other there`s a fee for word). I wanted to target as many as possible so included references to group sizes / start dates / property types. Student renters are very location sensitive
so I list particular streets.

Please chew it up as best as possible. I think it`s written appropriately but wanted feedback. If anyone can put together something better than I have I`ll incorporate changes in the future.

Here it is (on one of the advertisements they`ll be a seperate bold heading that reads HOUSES FOR RENT)

Hoffaco Property Management presents a new release of student rental properties located close to WLU. CLEAN, new or upgraded DETACHED houses, townhouses, apartments and true loft spaces rentals available on many nearby streets including Ezra, Marshall, Hazel, and Lester. Rentals to suit all group size from 1 to 13. Many start dates available. Please email [email protected] (preferred) or phone 519-885-7910

 

[brentdavies]

Question, what are you selling, the company or CLEAN UPGRADED housing?

What are selling? put what you are selling first, the benifit and then the call to action.

Put your name in bold at the end of the ad, not the begining.

Does your company website have pictures and details on each rental. If so, remove the email address and put the website up.